An Unfinished Project...

She was really excited to do this assignment...

This was the Tuesday before she went to the hospital. She needed a photo for an art project in her Advanced Art class. It was a self-portrait. Jared and I must have taken 100 photos of her - hair up, hair down, hands by her face, hands away, smiles, serious, smirks, scrunchy nose, dimples... she just couldn’t decide what she wanted... and as we were doing this, she got frustrated and started uncontrollably crying and didn’t know why. We tried to talk her through it and she just couldn’t verbalize what was bothering her or making her feel so sad. I remember just holding her and being so helpless because I couldn’t figure out how to help her through whatever was going on. She struggled, often enough, with vocalizing her feelings - mostly because feelings aren’t concrete. There isn’t a right way or a wrong way to feel and Jay liked to feel in control. She liked to have a right answer...

I am pretty sure this was after the crying stopped and was the one she intended to use... good amount of freckles, good hair shapes and lines, strong features... She was really excited to do this assignment...

I am finding it harder and harder each day. Her absence just left such a large hole in our lives and I am just struggling without her. I miss her neurotic perfectionism and I miss her commitment to greatness. I miss her seriousness and her silliness. I miss her laugh and her voice. I miss the big moments and I miss the tiny little ones where it was just me and her. I miss my girl.